I’ll Sell My Own Mother…
I’ll Sell My Own Mother- But WAIT… Order Now And I’ll Throw In My Sister!
(Billy Mays)
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: HowdyCuz
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Cheezburger Network Blog-
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE! I’M SELLING KABOOM/MIGHTY PUTTY/OXYCLEAN/ZORBEES/HERCULES HOOKS/[insert stupid-sounding product name here]. AND I’M DOING SO IN A VERY LOUD VOICE!! BUT WAIT–ORDER NOW AND YOU’LL GET TWICE AS MUCH OF THE SAME USELESS CRAP!
He sells insurance, too. That’s when he went from scary to oh-my-gosh-run-away-scary in my book.
And if you order in the next 10 minutes I will let you bang my sister and then my Mom and then you can peg ME while my Mom pegs you and my sister takes pictures. But remember, this is a limited time offer and operators are standing by.
Next up! SHAM WOW!!! You won’t BELIEVE how creepy the next guy is!
I didn’t realize there was a version of the Aristocrats joke that involved Billy Mays.
i use to live next to a guy who look just like him but skinny….creepy
He is annoying as HELL.
in England we used to have this ad guy called Barry Scott, no wait it was BARRY SCOTT! he sold cilit BANG! and he always shouts, but then nthey dubbed him ;-;
that was an awesoem ad ._.
I remember that guy!
“HI, I’M BARRY SCOTT! TRY NEW CILLIT BANG!!”
He’s so much quieter now. It makes me sad.
STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heh, this guy sells SO many different things. XD
el barbudo chupaconchas de la tv
Thank you for not posting a pic of the creepy shamwow guy!
Oh. My. God. Vince haunts me in my dreams. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day and hear that he murdered his whole family. Guy is one scary bastard.
and then he will clean it up the mess with his shamwow…
Why can I see him doing this? Yeah, Vince from Shamwow is terrifying. But, remember, SHAMwow is a SHAM.
I heard someone say this guy “could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.”
They make ketchup popsicles?!? WANT!!!
But wait, order now and I’ll throw in these mustard sorbets! A $5.00 value, yours free!
Practice safe eating. Always eat with a condiment.
no not a $5 dollar value. probably a $60 dollar value, they’ll tell you.
Wow. The Wiki page for him has a link to his property assessment records for his Florida home. Being loud and obnoxious PAYS. His house lost $200,000 in value last year (suck!) and it’s STILL worth 1.8 Mil.
Damn.
Note to whoever did this – THANKS! I know his mom & I can believe he’d sell her. She has pictures of him all over her office walls with every little crappy thing he’s ever sold. It’s creepy!
That’s kinda horrible that this isn’t too fictionalized.
Make that lost $150,000 in value. Need more coffee….
Sure being loud and obnoxious pays. Just listen to “talk radio”.
Shaun Hannity or Rush Limbaugh I presume?
Is there anything this man can’t sell? Put me down for two!!!
I don’t think I could sell my family. More like trade
epitome of a douchebag….for hire!!
Billy Mays is the most obnoxious salesperson I have ever encountered via *any* medium.*
*Medium like radio, TV, web, phone. Not like the seance kind of medium.
Plus, he has dead, dead eyes.
That’s because he sold his soul. And because the devil ordered now he threw in Empathy and Truthfulness as well for only 20% more wealth and fortune. What a bargain.
I’ll throw in my sister – just pay processing and handling!
I bought some of that Mighty Putty.
It works. I’ve fixed tables and such with it.
I’m just sayin’.
I fixed a leaky kitchen pipe joint with Mighty Putty because my landlord ignored my repair requests. The stuff actually worked. Though why I should care about property damage when owner doesn’t is beyond me. Win and Fail.
so does oxy-clean! it can get stains out of ANYTHING, srsly.
Of course- except he didn’t make them. Both are available under different names for under five dollars at Wal-Mart and work just as well. Got me an A+ on my science project, too.
I went to this boat show once, and they had a Shamwow stand, and it actually worked.
But still. Billy mays sorta scares me….
Like, why does he always yell like we’re twenty miles away when he’s doing a commercial?
I just realized Billy Myas never advertised the Shamwow.
Forgive my EPIC FAIL.
Why can’t this obnoxious douchenozzle speak in a normal voice?
HOW DARE YOU. HE SUFFERS FROM A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT PREVENTS HIM FROM MODULATING THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE!
Haha its called Esophageal Douchebagaria
Apparently, it also causes you to activate caps lock every time you type too. I feel sorry for them…where do I donate for this horrible horrible disease?
Jeez…hope it’s not contagious..
Donate now and I’ll double your tax deduction; you just pay for the added shipping and processing fees.
It’s an STD….
haha…that’s a good one…
how about the Latin translation: Douchimus Maximus!
I wish that guy would stop yelling. I’m hard of hearing and usually need the tv up loud, but when he comes on it feels like my ear drums will burst
Sister, I barely new ‘er!
It’s funny because it’s true…
he may be a douche, but i must say, he does have perfect hair.
HAHAHAHAHA
this has got to be one of the best!
D00D I LOVE THIS GUY!!! <333
Whenever he tries to sell something, it sounds like he’s angry at you.
He scared my little brother once.
hahaha… hilarious.
you will be missed
Oh this is in such poor taste! The man is dead. All in all it is funny but still icky….
sweet deal, I am not “gay” (to each their own) or anything like that, but if your sister looks as hot as you do… no probelm, she must be one dead knockout
hehe 
billy mays died
im sad to see all these haters hating on a dead man
For all the people who are talking about how mean these comments are, you need to check the dates on them. The “haters” posted BEFORE he died. He was annoying when he was selling (he would often set up a demo in the local Sam’s club where I worked in Greenville SC, he was from Greer SC) but was a really nice man in person when he wasn’t in selling mode. He did a lot for the area, but to ignore someones faults simply because they are dead is NOT respectful. We don’t remember Hitler as a very good painter now do we? If you did not personally know then man, he could seem to be all about the sells, and he was very loud.
disgusting thought.