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Sparkle?



count von count

Sparkle? Oh, hell no.

(Count Von Count)

picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: mikeoquinn

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  1. Czernobog says:

    The horse is dead, people.

  2. LM says:

    I… don’t get it. Explain?

    • lolwannabeee says:

      I cant work out if you are being sarcastic or not?

    • ElfKing says:

      In the case that you aren’t being sarcastic, the joke is that the book Twilight (recently turned into a movie) features vampires that, when in sunlight, instead of blowing into dust/flames, they sparkle. Count Von Count is a vampire of sorts, and he’s sort of saying, “People are saying vampires sparkle now?! What the 24?!?!”

      • HellHathNoFury says:

        thank you for explaining this! I live near Forks, Wa, and every pale girl with no life acts as if I were born yesterday since I haven’t read the books, seen the movie 4387609843 times, or spent my time stalking the actors and ’squee’ing like a piggy every time Robert Pattinson is seen in a Starbucks.

        • Multi-Facets says:

          Oh dear. Maybe it’s time to relocate and save yourself from the sparkle addicts. (nodnodnod)

        • twilightfreak says:

          You are deprived. Twilight is amazing. and addictive
          I recently went for TWO WHOLE WEEKS without reading a Twilight book. I went insane. I am a “sparkle addict” as Multi-Facets so kindly calls me

          • MeaslyMender says:

            It’s just a book. Get over it. Speaking of which, why are you even commenting when this picture obviously hates Twilight?

            At least Harry Potter was written well…

            • Your mom says:

              Harry Potter was written well…. uh I don’t really think so. Not trying to start a fight, but even my mom (who was once an English teacher) said that the books were horribly written. Sorry, I gave those books a chance but I just didn’t like them. :( The movies rock though!
              Twilight is a good book, but this is a HILARIOUS caption!

              • Shooooooo says:

                So…you think Harry Potter was poorly written…but Twilight wasn’t?! I hope your mother recovers from the alcoholism, because she obviously drank while you were in the womb.

                • em says:

                  I second this. Just because JK Rowling doesn’t go on describing stupid things like how a guy looks doesn’t mean she sucks.

          • HellHathNoFury says:

            thanks for the recommendation, but *how to say this tactfully* uh, I can’t fathom a reason to fantasize over just that…fantasy. I have a life. I can see readin a book, but to obsess over things that will never happen insteaf of finding a man that will treat you well and uh, NOT try to suck your blood seems a little more important.

          • slaggingham says:

            No, you were insane to start with.

        • Mae says:

          Hey now…

          I’m a pale girl with no life

          but at least I’m smart enough to know that Twilight is nothing more than yet another marketing scam (poorly written, supposedly aimed at 12 year olds but containing sex talk) that will be forgotten in three years.

  3. RinaRainbowlicious says:

    Anyone else getting tired of the sparkle jokes? -_-

  4. Ana says:

    Right on!

    LM: It all started with the latest novelty “Vampire” flick called “Twilight” where the main character, wich is a vampire, SPARKLES when exposed to the light, which is completely ridiculous.

    • Kelly says:

      not all vampire books have to be the same. did you really think that the original vampires were like dracula? think again. it´s fiction. who cares?

      • KurisuMurei says:

        A vampire’s reaction to sunlight varies from vampire to vampire. Even for Dracula himself, he didn’t mind all that much, save that most of his powers were inaccesible.

        Some of the later vampire stories featured vampires who would disintegrate in just a few seconds of exposure, but that wasn’t Dracula.

      • Mae says:

        Well… its not just the fact that they sparkle but that in general they just aren’t vampires.

        It’s sort of like creating a book about kittens with wings and calling them unicorns “because really, unicorns are mythical creatures, who’s to say what they’re really like?”

        Well, for one, hundreds of years of stories and myths. You can’t change it yourself just because it’s what YOU want.

        Give them a new name for goodness sake!

      • slythwolf says:

        Dracula was the original vampire. And when he was in sunlight, all it did was weaken him.

        • Vila Restal says:

          Sorry!! WRONG!!! Fail on all counts. The first fictional vampire was John Polidori’s The Vampyre (BTW this is his spelling not mine!!), followed by various penny dreadfuls, and then you had Sheridan LeFanu’s Camilla (This one had such an effect on Vampire fans that the name Camilla was used by White Wolf in their RPG Vampire: The Masquerade, for the organization of Vampires across the world. They have been known historically by Vlad Tepes (also known as the Impaler, or Mr Impaler to his friends :-) ), and the most famous one as Elizabeth Bathory who was supposed to bath in the blood of Virgins (Wouldn’t work nowadays where the hell can you get a load of virgins round here now :-) ) Also they have been known in Mythology as either Revenants or Vampires in especially Superstitious Eastern European countries.

          (My God!! I’m really showing myself up for being a geek :-) )

  5. fiendishrabiit says:

    But the count would love sparkles!

    One, one sparkle. Two, two sparkles. Three, three sparkles. Four, four sparkles.
    So many sparkles to count, I love it. Ah Ah Ah Ah. Five, five sparkles. Six, six sparkles…

    • ElfKing says:

      I don’t know if he’d want to sparkle all day, though.
      He does sometimes come out in sunlight, doesn’t he? I haven’t seen him on TV lately, but I think I recall one time him being out on the street in day time.

    • twilightfreak says:

      sparkles…………….

    • Mae says:

      My brother taught my son that laugh when he was only a year old. Drove me crazy. Every time he heard a number he would do that laugh.

  6. Tempestates says:

    I’m kinda getting a little tired of the sparkling vampires but it would make me a happy little psycho if we could drop a nuke on them and get it over with.

  7. Bix nood says:

    Wasn’t it shimmer in the book? I haven’t read it, but thats what a girl told me.

    But anyway, this old horse is dead, and ground into dog food. Time to can it up, and place it in the meme warehouse.

  8. TDEN>Twilight says:

    “This is the skin of a killer.”
    Yeah, because killers sparkle.

  9. Jamie Derhak says:

    Indeed. When you see a squealing Twilightaholic please immediately send them in the direction of the Anne Rice aisle in the bookstore. Pretty please?

    • twilightfreak says:

      not a chance. i’m good acting like everyother twilightaholic and scream when i read an article about rpattz being spotted at a club in london

    • Mae says:

      oh yes, lets turn them from one book for them to obsess over and want to become vampires because of… to another series that is all too similar.

  10. Roxie says:

    The reasoning behind the sparkle is kinda cool.

    The venom changes their cells to become hard & crystallized. It’s supposed to be blinding

  11. twilightfreak says:

    bite me.
    edward is amazing!!!!!

    • Mae says:

      I’ll bite you… but trust me… despite what you believe, you won’t like it.

    • slaggingham says:

      You have an extremely weak idea of what constitutes “amazing.”

    • burningled says:

      No. AMAZING Is millions have bought a book that aims at nothing more than the teenage girl’s ” Mysterious, unbelievably kind, hot, forbidden guy with wonderful secrets and who desires me more than anything else” fantasy, and has few writing merits otherwise.

      He’s not real, find better literature to read, and get over it.

  12. QueenMab812 says:

    Hasn’t this already been done?

  13. MissMaybe says:

    VON giant plothole, TWO giant plotholes, AHAHAHA!

  14. eomund says:

    I don’t care what y’all say, Epic Win

  15. RandomBoredPerson says:

    im a huge buffy fan and im not saying they are the real vampires or anything but at least they didnt sparkle

  16. Everbound Venvel says:

    Sparkling is for wimps. REAL BAMPHs burst into flame and crackle like a camp fire.

  17. Everbound Venvel says:

    Woah, I’m out of it today. What I meant to say was, “BAMFs”.

  18. Sarah_Berah says:

    Just to show my true nerdy-ness… vamprie legends actually came from the dark ages during the plague. The people would have to dig up mass graves and due to the lack of understanding in science, the decomposing bodies that were bloated with gases, pushing out hair and nails to give the apperance of still growing, and eating because they “gained weight” were thought to be undead cause they died from plague but still managed to eat and grow. The also leaked lovely bodily fluids from the mouth leaving blood trails on the face, causing the conclusion they drank blood. Thus, VAMPIRES! And they definatly didn’t sparkle… :) Not to bash Twilight which has its own merits, Vlad and Dracula would kick Edward’s creepy, stalker, emo butt.

    • Annie Crimefighter says:

      Also, in the times of vampire myths, people believed that vampires could not resist counting objects in large groups. That’s why people would fill caskets with rice or salt so that if the inhabitant was a vampire, they would be so busy counting that they would die in the sunlight the next morning.

  19. tkely says:

    shove the frickin sparkle jokes up ur ass

  20. Toolie says:

    Umm he’s a puppet.

  21. Death by Taco says:

    Harry: “It’s not just any book, guys!”
    Ron: “Is it a young-adult teen vampire romance novel?”
    [TEN SECONDS LATER]
    *Ron is in the corner*
    Harry: “Anyway…”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-a8USS84F4

    An A to anyone who watches that video.
    An A+ to anyone who already got the reference. ^^

  22. Jenna says:

    I love how theres so many anti-twlight pics on here! Keep up the great work!

  23. Annie Crimefighter says:

  24. Me! says:

    hey, 13 yr old girl here…i used to love twilight, but then me and my friends decided it was kinda lame…there are lots of other good vampy books out there. check out vampire academy and city of bones (that one’s demons, but watever.)anyway, of course i’m going to see the movies, because thats wat we do. (also, it’s like, omg! it’s jacob u know!!) sorry, “squee”ing laspe. anyway, later people! :)

  25. Regin the Radiant says:

    This horse is now classified as a splatter, there is so little of it left. MAKING FUN OF TWILIGHT IS DEAD PEOPLE, MOVE ON. Ur getting worse than the fans, geez

    *pulls out the banhammer*


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